Friday, August 29, 2008
i think i should die soon
ever since mummy left,
the more i feel this way.
=(
don't know why.
have you ever felt before...
you are so bloody helpless.
alot of time, with money you can do anything, everything.
it's not that i don't have money.
but they are all debits.
what can i do?
they make me a poor rich little girl.
my money yet i can't take and use.
wtf.
and worst still,
you keep awaking with problems.
and you start worrying almost as soon as you close your eyes to sleep.
and then you wake up to find yourself alone.
alone with all these freaking issues that are pasted on your face.
i don't understand how people sleep through it.
i can't.
i worry till it's solved.
then i can sleep.
....
the more i feel this way.
=(
don't know why.
have you ever felt before...
you are so bloody helpless.
alot of time, with money you can do anything, everything.
it's not that i don't have money.
but they are all debits.
what can i do?
they make me a poor rich little girl.
my money yet i can't take and use.
wtf.
and worst still,
you keep awaking with problems.
and you start worrying almost as soon as you close your eyes to sleep.
and then you wake up to find yourself alone.
alone with all these freaking issues that are pasted on your face.
i don't understand how people sleep through it.
i can't.
i worry till it's solved.
then i can sleep.
....
11:33 AM
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Past . Present . Future
there are some circumstances where people find themselves
torn in between their past and whom they want to be (future).
have you felt like this before?
was talking to a friend this afternoon
and this feeling suddenly came across to me.
i didn't realise how long it had been that we last met each other.
probably when i was back in school
i was usually preoccupied with something else.
school, grades, work, family, friends.
there was always something for me to do all day.
not that because i had alot of time but it was a must do routine for me.
and i didn't realise deep inside me,
there was this tiny desire to do certain things.
and because events became my full time
i had too little for everything.
and the huge sense of responsibility and amount of pressure
can be insanely crazy.
time to time, you will think
why the fuck are you torturing yourself like this.
yup. because of that one incident.
and it's getting harder to let go.
though the challenges ahead is still a blank.
and i guess it's true.
the more you drag it, the more it is harder to let go.
and it takes a longer time to convince yourself to forget everything.
back to topic.
so yup, chatted with this friend.
though life used to be really hectic
but still we always manage to go for dinner together.
but due to work commitments, we met lesser and lesser
and eventually it's almost a year now...
i realised there are things about me that have not changed.
my thoughts on relationship.
for every little girl out there who yearns for that little puppy love
would probably think i am crazy.
for me, i think they are immature.
ever since young, i developed this mentality of:
i was born into this world alone, i will walk this journey alone and i can die alone. anyone whom comes along will be a bonus.
probably it was because the way my mum taught me,
i am fiercely independent.
or rather, i can be fiercely independent.
to people, i am crazy.
but surprisingly, there is still someone whom thinks like me too.
what i feel is that a relationship should never be a burden.
if it is one, why should we even go into one
and let it hinder our life.
afterall, with or without it, we can still survive.
isn't it?
it's only the emotions that one holds on to.
i enjoy the freedom i had.
the freedom to pursue my passion, to fulfill my dreams, to commit in my work
without doubts, without control, without being asked too much.
i don't feel what i ask for is too much.
i feel it is the most basic most are looking for.
if you can't accept it...
too bad.
you can have your doubts, your control.
i will still pursue my passion, fulfill my dreams and commit in my work.
i don't have a mother now and i don't need another "mother".
with the immerse pressure, stress and focus on my work,
i can do with or without this burden.
don't let me prove that i'm right.
torn in between their past and whom they want to be (future).
have you felt like this before?
was talking to a friend this afternoon
and this feeling suddenly came across to me.
i didn't realise how long it had been that we last met each other.
probably when i was back in school
i was usually preoccupied with something else.
school, grades, work, family, friends.
there was always something for me to do all day.
not that because i had alot of time but it was a must do routine for me.
and i didn't realise deep inside me,
there was this tiny desire to do certain things.
and because events became my full time
i had too little for everything.
and the huge sense of responsibility and amount of pressure
can be insanely crazy.
time to time, you will think
why the fuck are you torturing yourself like this.
yup. because of that one incident.
and it's getting harder to let go.
though the challenges ahead is still a blank.
and i guess it's true.
the more you drag it, the more it is harder to let go.
and it takes a longer time to convince yourself to forget everything.
back to topic.
so yup, chatted with this friend.
though life used to be really hectic
but still we always manage to go for dinner together.
but due to work commitments, we met lesser and lesser
and eventually it's almost a year now...
i realised there are things about me that have not changed.
my thoughts on relationship.
for every little girl out there who yearns for that little puppy love
would probably think i am crazy.
for me, i think they are immature.
ever since young, i developed this mentality of:
i was born into this world alone, i will walk this journey alone and i can die alone. anyone whom comes along will be a bonus.
probably it was because the way my mum taught me,
i am fiercely independent.
or rather, i can be fiercely independent.
to people, i am crazy.
but surprisingly, there is still someone whom thinks like me too.
what i feel is that a relationship should never be a burden.
if it is one, why should we even go into one
and let it hinder our life.
afterall, with or without it, we can still survive.
isn't it?
it's only the emotions that one holds on to.
i enjoy the freedom i had.
the freedom to pursue my passion, to fulfill my dreams, to commit in my work
without doubts, without control, without being asked too much.
i don't feel what i ask for is too much.
i feel it is the most basic most are looking for.
if you can't accept it...
too bad.
you can have your doubts, your control.
i will still pursue my passion, fulfill my dreams and commit in my work.
i don't have a mother now and i don't need another "mother".
with the immerse pressure, stress and focus on my work,
i can do with or without this burden.
don't let me prove that i'm right.
10:39 PM
Monday, August 18, 2008
randoms
seriously, sometimes i have ain't any idea what is he thinking of.
i guess he is just someone far too sensitive
and too emotional?
what is all this about?
somehow i feel there is this sense of jealously or loneliness from him
that he feels "attached" to me?
sometimes i really don't understand why he flares up so easily
and argues with me on small matters.
seriously, i see it as a misunderstanding.
i don't feel fair that i deserve such words.
because i don't see what problem did i cause.
probably you are really taking everything too hard.
what's wrong with me going home with my bf?
i didn't ask him to come down
and it was really a coincidence he was in vivo.
what's wrong with you joining us?
if you can't accept yourself joining us then don't say i made you come.
and how would i know you would have come to sentosa.
cause i wasn't expecting it when you asked me handled things my own.
afterall i am there to work
i have my own responsibility there i can't possibly be there entertaining you.
probably your emotions have crossed the line...
know clearly what is a partnership
i guess he is just someone far too sensitive
and too emotional?
what is all this about?
somehow i feel there is this sense of jealously or loneliness from him
that he feels "attached" to me?
sometimes i really don't understand why he flares up so easily
and argues with me on small matters.
seriously, i see it as a misunderstanding.
i don't feel fair that i deserve such words.
because i don't see what problem did i cause.
probably you are really taking everything too hard.
what's wrong with me going home with my bf?
i didn't ask him to come down
and it was really a coincidence he was in vivo.
what's wrong with you joining us?
if you can't accept yourself joining us then don't say i made you come.
and how would i know you would have come to sentosa.
cause i wasn't expecting it when you asked me handled things my own.
afterall i am there to work
i have my own responsibility there i can't possibly be there entertaining you.
probably your emotions have crossed the line...
know clearly what is a partnership
12:12 AM
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
randoms
the words to hide our awkwardness
the moments we gazed at each other
the time we spent together
i wish they all lasted together
you hand held mine until
you saw me off on the last train
you nonchalant kindness makes me happy
if ths were a fairytale
i would certainly be willing to go with you
everytime, everyday. everything
even if i don't put it into words
you are always special
if i could be granted just one wish
dear god please stop time when we are alone together
everytime, everyday, everything
even if we were to go our seperate ways
i'll hold us together
you are my special one
everytime, everyday, everything
i have faith even if time doesn't stops
if we are fated then we would be able to see each other anytime... right?
nice japanese song
=)
12:11 PM
Thursday, August 7, 2008
randoms
wo!! super lack of updates.
hehe.
busy busy nowadays.
so many to do.
and my laptop is staying with cz.
so yup.
using desktop now.
last sunday did an event for HCI.
Inspire run in NUS.
So below are some photos...
Chris and I
Agnes from Campus Superstar II
Zi Jie from Campus Superstar II (cute eyecandy)
LEVIN!!!! (from Singapore Idol 1)wahahahha. i can't believe i get to see him.
the cute cz actin cute.
some photos from the camp i went:
ai ke, me and darling. super shag after a day of fun with the children
jovan and me (my cute little son)
jovan again
darling and her daughter
that's my son too, chee wee with zhi jie looking on
(he promised to buy me a pink PSP. me still waiting for it arhz)
chee wee with my rabbit drawing (which i gave to dearie). LOL
darling and little ernest (ai ke is also ernest. so we had fun calling the ernests)
xiao huang and ai ke. (they are one big happy family)
ernest climbing on to ernest
12:17 PM
