there are some circumstances where people find themselves
torn in between their past and whom they want to be (future).
have you felt like this before?


was talking to a friend this afternoon
and this feeling suddenly came across to me.
i didn't realise how long it had been that we last met each other.


probably when i was back in school
i was usually preoccupied with something else.
school, grades, work, family, friends.
there was always something for me to do all day.
not that because i had alot of time but it was a must do routine for me.


and i didn't realise deep inside me,
there was this tiny desire to do certain things.
and because events became my full time
i had too little for everything.
and the huge sense of responsibility and amount of pressure
can be insanely crazy.
time to time, you will think
why the fuck are you torturing yourself like this.
yup. because of that one incident.
and it's getting harder to let go.
though the challenges ahead is still a blank.


and i guess it's true.
the more you drag it, the more it is harder to let go.
and it takes a longer time to convince yourself to forget everything.


back to topic.
so yup, chatted with this friend.
though life used to be really hectic
but still we always manage to go for dinner together.
but due to work commitments, we met lesser and lesser
and eventually it's almost a year now...






























i realised there are things about me that have not changed.
my thoughts on relationship.
for every little girl out there who yearns for that little puppy love
would probably think i am crazy.
for me, i think they are immature.
ever since young, i developed this mentality of:
i was born into this world alone, i will walk this journey alone and i can die alone. anyone whom comes along will be a bonus.
probably it was because the way my mum taught me,
i am fiercely independent.
or rather, i can be fiercely independent.
to people, i am crazy.
but surprisingly, there is still someone whom thinks like me too.


what i feel is that a relationship should never be a burden.
if it is one, why should we even go into one
and let it hinder our life.
afterall, with or without it, we can still survive.
isn't it?
it's only the emotions that one holds on to.


i enjoy the freedom i had.
the freedom to pursue my passion, to fulfill my dreams, to commit in my work
without doubts, without control, without being asked too much.
i don't feel what i ask for is too much.
i feel it is the most basic most are looking for.
if you can't accept it...
too bad.
you can have your doubts, your control.
i will still pursue my passion, fulfill my dreams and commit in my work.
i don't have a mother now and i don't need another "mother".
with the immerse pressure, stress and focus on my work,
i can do with or without this burden.


don't let me prove that i'm right.

10:39 PM

there are some circumstances where people find themselves
torn in between their past and whom they want to be (future).
have you felt like this before?


was talking to a friend this afternoon
and this feeling suddenly came across to me.
i didn't realise how long it had been that we last met each other.


probably when i was back in school
i was usually preoccupied with something else.
school, grades, work, family, friends.
there was always something for me to do all day.
not that because i had alot of time but it was a must do routine for me.


and i didn't realise deep inside me,
there was this tiny desire to do certain things.
and because events became my full time
i had too little for everything.
and the huge sense of responsibility and amount of pressure
can be insanely crazy.
time to time, you will think
why the fuck are you torturing yourself like this.
yup. because of that one incident.
and it's getting harder to let go.
though the challenges ahead is still a blank.


and i guess it's true.
the more you drag it, the more it is harder to let go.
and it takes a longer time to convince yourself to forget everything.


back to topic.
so yup, chatted with this friend.
though life used to be really hectic
but still we always manage to go for dinner together.
but due to work commitments, we met lesser and lesser
and eventually it's almost a year now...






























i realised there are things about me that have not changed.
my thoughts on relationship.
for every little girl out there who yearns for that little puppy love
would probably think i am crazy.
for me, i think they are immature.
ever since young, i developed this mentality of:
i was born into this world alone, i will walk this journey alone and i can die alone. anyone whom comes along will be a bonus.
probably it was because the way my mum taught me,
i am fiercely independent.
or rather, i can be fiercely independent.
to people, i am crazy.
but surprisingly, there is still someone whom thinks like me too.


what i feel is that a relationship should never be a burden.
if it is one, why should we even go into one
and let it hinder our life.
afterall, with or without it, we can still survive.
isn't it?
it's only the emotions that one holds on to.


i enjoy the freedom i had.
the freedom to pursue my passion, to fulfill my dreams, to commit in my work
without doubts, without control, without being asked too much.
i don't feel what i ask for is too much.
i feel it is the most basic most are looking for.
if you can't accept it...
too bad.
you can have your doubts, your control.
i will still pursue my passion, fulfill my dreams and commit in my work.
i don't have a mother now and i don't need another "mother".
with the immerse pressure, stress and focus on my work,
i can do with or without this burden.


don't let me prove that i'm right.

10:39 PM
|