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Sunday, December 28, 2008
to her...

I don’t know how people view me as.

I don’t know how friends and acquaintances see me as.

I don’t know how much he understands me…


I haven’t being able to sleep for the past few days because my mind couldn’t stop running.

I thought about work.

I thought about life.

I thought about myself.

I thought about mummy.

And finally I thought about “regrets”.


Friends always say they are there to support me.

But how much do they know about me to support me?

their words of encouragement, their concern, i appreciate.

deep down my heart, i know the problem lies with me.

with myself, with my choices.

i know soon i will be lapsing into depression.


in fact, for the past 2 years

i was forcing myself to hold on, not to fall into depression.

but i am beginning to feel tired as life goes on.

i still can't find that pillar or wall that i can lean on.

they have me.

but i have no one...


i am lonely.

very lonely...

i have friends.

many friends.

i have him.

but it still seems empty.

none of it can fill the emptiness...


i have been thinking of the choices i made.

i have been putting up with criticisms over the months.

i know i have to be firm with the decisions i make.

which i always am.

but you know...

ice cold queen also do have feelings.


i want to further my studies like any other everyone.

is not that i can't, but i rejected the offers.

i want to work like any other everyone.

have fun in office, have nice colleagues.

is not that i can't, but i wanted to be ambitious.


is not that i am sick of my work.

no, i have loads of fun.

the problem lies with me.

and i don't know what's wrong with me.


i hate tolerating other's habit when they don't even show patience to me.

i hate giving all good when they don't even return a small favor to me.

i hate lending my shoulders to people when they don't even know i'm depressed.


i think i am going crazy...




i was thinking...

when... is our time to meet again?


6:28 AM
Saturday, December 20, 2008
how vilgilant are singaporeans?

ever since the sept 11 issue back in 2001,
more and more people are aware of such danger, known as terrorism.
but how would singaporeans react when they encounter one?

the closest we got to terrorism in singapore
was having yishun mrt filmed as one of the terrorism target
and subsequently people receive letters with baby powder
being pass as a anthrax scare.
even recently, after the singaporean lawyer became a victim
in the mumbai terrorist attack,
how vilgilant can one be?
or how educated are we to realise that you will never know how close you are to terrorism attacks.

the goverment sure did their part in educating the civilians on national security
but do people be bothered with it?

today on my way home after lunch with cz,
we found this bag sitting alone at the bus stop.
we waited for quite awhile and no one claimed it.
hence, we called the police.
yup, people may think we are making a big deal out of an unwanted bag
or probably a lost item.
but, to be safe than sorry
we didn't want to take any chances.
who knows, later in the evening or a little while,
i might hear an explosion 3 blocks away from me
and i will carry this guilt with me for life!

but still, typical singaporeans don't think this way.
they just can't be bothered.
worst! there was this girl around 10 yrs old,
even sat next to the bag happily chatting away on her hp..
i was like wtf.
if that was a bomb...
she would have died long before she could say hello on her hp.

this shows how civic-minded singaporeans are...
1:56 PM