I don’t know how people view me as.
I don’t know how friends and acquaintances see me as.
I don’t know how much he understands me…
I haven’t being able to sleep for the past few days because my mind couldn’t stop running.
I thought about work.
I thought about life.
I thought about myself.
I thought about mummy.
And finally I thought about “regrets”.
Friends always say they are there to support me.
But how much do they know about me to support me?
their words of encouragement, their concern, i appreciate.
deep down my heart, i know the problem lies with me.
with myself, with my choices.
i know soon i will be lapsing into depression.
in fact, for the past 2 years
i was forcing myself to hold on, not to fall into depression.
but i am beginning to feel tired as life goes on.
i still can't find that pillar or wall that i can lean on.
they have me.
but i have no one...
i am lonely.
very lonely...
i have friends.
many friends.
i have him.
but it still seems empty.
none of it can fill the emptiness...
i have been thinking of the choices i made.
i have been putting up with criticisms over the months.
i know i have to be firm with the decisions i make.
which i always am.
but you know...
ice cold queen also do have feelings.
i want to further my studies like any other everyone.
is not that i can't, but i rejected the offers.
i want to work like any other everyone.
have fun in office, have nice colleagues.
is not that i can't, but i wanted to be ambitious.
is not that i am sick of my work.
no, i have loads of fun.
the problem lies with me.
and i don't know what's wrong with me.
i hate tolerating other's habit when they don't even show patience to me.
i hate giving all good when they don't even return a small favor to me.
i hate lending my shoulders to people when they don't even know i'm depressed.
i think i am going crazy...
i was thinking...
when... is our time to meet again?
